The decision to start hormone replacement therapy which entails weekly intramuscular testosterone injections into the thigh, was the hardest decision I’ve ever made. In the beginning, especially without new language to describe gender, it was hard to explain what being trans felt like. Paralyzed by the conundrum – if I couldn’t even understand howContinue reading “Fear and Reward of Going on Testosterone”
Author Archives: Christian
The Cost of Being Gendered as Male
Transitioning in the midst of a decade long photography project, presents an opportunity to see how differently people relate to me as a man vs. a woman. Enjoying a day off, I decided to swing by the Weirdest little Church in Texas, check out their volunteer program and hopefully capture a few shots on camera.Continue reading “The Cost of Being Gendered as Male”
Will I Regret Testosterone?
I worried for years that taking testosterone or “transitioning” could be the wrong decision. What if NOT taking testosterone is the wrong decision? What if I came out to everybody then changed my mind? What if this was a mistake but I had permanent changes? What if I looked in the mirror and hated theContinue reading “Will I Regret Testosterone?”
Positive Perspective for Parents of Transgender Children
Can transgender children grow up to live happy lives? “I don’t want my child to be transgender because I don’t want them to have a difficult life.” This is one of the most frequent things I hear parents say once they realize their child is transgender. Parents grieve “the good life” for their child, assumingContinue reading “Positive Perspective for Parents of Transgender Children”
Invisible Miracles
What I learned from “top surgery” Preoccupied by the outside of my body, I was distracted by the superficial parts of the body, visible to the eye. After going through surgery and instead, being so focused on what the “inside” of the body is capable of, I whole-heartedly believe that waking up each day toContinue reading “Invisible Miracles”
My White Privilege
Understanding Systemic Racism What a tragic week of murder and chaos this has been after months of coronavirus fear and quarantine. It’s all been weighing on me – the sadness, not knowing what to do or how to feel but also, not attending the protests. I made the decision early on to sit out theContinue reading “My White Privilege”
My Journey to Becoming a Life Coach
Turning Differences into Superpowers As children, everyone tells us, “Just follow your dreams!” or “You can be anything you want to be if you just put your mind to it!” Early on in life we stop believing this. It just becomes another childhood lie, like Santa Clause or the Easter bunny and slowly dreams fadeContinue reading “My Journey to Becoming a Life Coach”
On the Spectrum of Gender
Becoming Me Do you think you might be transgender but you aren’t sure? It is okay to be unsure. If there is one thing, I wish someone had told me while I was trying to figure out my gender identity, it’s this – Having a different narrative from most other transgender people does not invalidateContinue reading “On the Spectrum of Gender”
Coloring Outside the Lines
Beautiful butterfly emerging from my cocoon and you act blind. Precious sense of sight you waste; powerful gift of speech, decays. I feel invisible. Challenges and triumphs go unnoticed. I am not the butterfly; I am the elephant in the room. I miss being a child – all I had to do was exist andContinue reading “Coloring Outside the Lines”
Suicide With a Cat’s Perspective
I see the woman in you and this is what I learned from her. Thank you, Beautiful Woman. I stumbled upon the goodbye letter of another writer a week ago which made excruciatingly clear, an all too common reality for transgender people – suicide. Pieces of the six-page letter are written below (her blog wasContinue reading “Suicide With a Cat’s Perspective”
Brightest Bird of the Flock
“In nature, a flock will attack any bird that is more colorful than the others because being different is seen as a threat,” – Wrabel The greatest gift a mother could have – a daughter, and I’m stealing that gift away. I feel her heart breaking- everyone’s heart breaking as I am transforming, evolving, reinventingContinue reading “Brightest Bird of the Flock”
All the Answers Inside
Thoughts on Being Transgender From a More Spiritual Perspective I admit, I’ve had trouble writing lately. More specifically, I’ve had trouble writing about the material world, the physical body and matters of the ego. I’ve been on a more spiritual journey for a while now – getting into yoga, meditation, ecstatic dance, astrology and gettingContinue reading “All the Answers Inside”
What is Success Anyway?
Unraveling the Expectations of Hormone Replacement Therapy A great deal of time had to pass after starting testosterone before I was able to feel content with my transition. Guys around me who had been on testosterone for half the time, sported tons of facial hair and a deep voice. My voice did eventually drop more,Continue reading “What is Success Anyway?”
Scars We Bare Forever
It’s 2:30 in the morning and I can’t get back to sleep. I woke up with a sinking feeling as if I’d just emerged from a nightmare. I’m feeling smothered by an unusually low feeling, uncharacteristic of the past weeks where I’d been overtaken by gratitude and positivity for everything and anything. Yesterday all theContinue reading “Scars We Bare Forever”
A Reflection that Matches My Mind’s Eye
I thought I would have to get used to not having breasts. After surgery, I kept waiting for it to “sink in” or to be overwhelmed with emotion at some point. Perhaps I’d feel like a different, newly reinvented person, or maybe even mourn the loss of part of my body? Realizations never set in. Continue reading “A Reflection that Matches My Mind’s Eye”
Going Under the Knife
My decision to have “top surgery” I know people secretly wonder: So why did you do it? Why did you have surgery to remove your breasts? The deeper answer is that I wanted my body to match how I have always seen myself in my mind. I feel like a male who removed a defectContinue reading “Going Under the Knife”
Lost in Translation?
How to Come Out to a 96-Year-Old Grandmother “Coming out” to family members proved most difficult, seemed surreal and caused me to second guess myself – Am I sure this is really me? Do I really want to open up this can of worms? Am I delusional and making this all up? Is this aContinue reading “Lost in Translation?”
What Does it Mean to Live a Good Life?
Take a Walk in Someone Else’s Shoes For years I’ve intermittently worked on a personal photography project of homeless people. I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for the downtrodden and being transgender, I realize we have a lot in common which gives me a sense of solidarity. People don’t understand us. WeContinue reading “What Does it Mean to Live a Good Life?”
The Overrated Idea of Being “Man Enough”
Contemplating the nuances of what is means to be a man Today was one of the best days of my life; I played pick up soccer with the guys, AS a guy. “Hey dude”, “hey man”, “he”, they all said. They saw me as one of them, as one of the guys. It was theContinue reading “The Overrated Idea of Being “Man Enough””
Dear Dad, I Still Need You.
It’s lonely being transgender and feeling estranged from your parents. I want to feel accepted and loved unconditionally. I wish you could see that I am still the same human you have always known. I might look different but inside I am still your little child. I realize that I sit here listening to musicContinue reading “Dear Dad, I Still Need You.”
