Embracing Uncertainty

A phase – a temporary process of discovery – can be a liberating period of one’s life and lead to genuine growth.  By honoring “phases”, we allow children a safe space to change their mind or change their identity without backlash, repercussion or the infamous, “I told you so!”.  Dismissal of phases invalidates one’s abilityContinue reading “Embracing Uncertainty”

Insistent. Persistent. Consistent.

Thinking beyond the guidelines when navigating the transgender journey Insistent.  Persistent.  Consistent.  Community standards generally use these descriptions of behavior as a guideline or indicator that a child is serious about their gender identity. That being said, the absence of insistent, persistent and consistent articulation of one’s gender identity does not necessarily imply that aContinue reading “Insistent. Persistent. Consistent.”

Broken, We are Not

Transgender people aren’t having a hard time because they are transgender; they are having a hard time because society has decided that being transgender is a bad thing.  People have drawn a conclusion in order to organize their own world and transgender people are caught in that crossfire.  People bought into this negative view butContinue reading “Broken, We are Not”

The Man in the Mirror

Embracing Diversity During My “Second Puberty” Changes from testosterone happen so excruciatingly slow that my body almost physically hurts from watching it so hard.  Time is such a joker. I must have checked the mirror on a thousand occasions before finally seeing hair on my chin and fuzz above my lip.  My face shape appearsContinue reading “The Man in the Mirror”

The Elephant in the Room

Deciding whether or not to ‘go stealth’ as a trans person Stealth: A behavior or way of living in the transgender community where a fully transitioned person lives completely as their correct gender and does not reveal that they are transgender. A transgender person may ‘go stealth’ in order to avoid transphobia or simply becauseContinue reading “The Elephant in the Room”

My First Shot of Testosterone

And the Rollercoaster of Emotions I’ve been over the moon with excitement for my first shot of testosterone but I woke up around 3:30 this morning and was overcome by anxiety.  In complete darkness, everything hit me at once and to go through with this felt absolutely overwhelming and impossible.  I would be lying ifContinue reading “My First Shot of Testosterone”

The Silver Lining in Being Misgendered

After being on hiatus, I was finally back in yoga class but excitement soon turned to mortification as I endured the most awkward experience of misgendering.   As the teacher announced that class was about to start, she glanced around the entire room and realized there were no guys present.    Starting a conversation to theContinue reading “The Silver Lining in Being Misgendered”

Being Transgender is Not “Just a Phase”

Let’s change the negative language and therefore, the stigma of being transgender Is this a phase? Parents commonly ask when their child comes out as transgender.  It is most likely not a phase.  More on this here: https://www.hrc.org/resources/transgender-children-and-youth-understanding-the-basics  For most parents this news usually comes as a shock but likely, the child contemplated their genderContinue reading “Being Transgender is Not “Just a Phase””

Aftermath of Coming out as Transgender

What would you change if you could live life over?  What does love feel like to you?  Who do you see when you look in the mirror?  Why do people take each other for granted? Do you wonder who I really am when nobody is looking? Do you ever just stare at the ceiling andContinue reading “Aftermath of Coming out as Transgender”

Let’s Talk About Sex

Being transgender and going from an estrogen to a testosterone-run system gave me a greater opportunity to analyze sexual stereotypes, gender roles, and our current culture of sex. The vast majority of trans guys will experience a huge increase in sex drive upon starting testosterone therapy (HRT).  The frequency of sexual fantasies increase, as doesContinue reading “Let’s Talk About Sex”

Things I Wish I’d Known Before Transitioning

“How can you know what you’re capable of if you don’t embrace the unkown?” ― Esmeralda Santiago Changes may come much slower (or faster!)  than what you see on YouTube.  People who are posting on YouTube likely have quick changes from testosterone.  Some people take a few months to pass full time as male, others takeContinue reading “Things I Wish I’d Known Before Transitioning”

How Manly is Man Enough?

“These pains you feel are messengers, listen to them.” -Rumi No doubt my body has changed but testosterone will never completely eradicate my insecurities nor will it give anybody the ideal, perfect male physique.  Testosterone will never narrow my wide hips that developed during puberty.  Fat redistribution was more subtle than I envisioned prior toContinue reading “How Manly is Man Enough?”

Fear and Reward of Going on Testosterone

The decision to start hormone replacement therapy which entails weekly intramuscular testosterone injections into the thigh, was the hardest decision I’ve ever made.   In the beginning, especially without new language to describe gender, it was hard to explain what being trans felt like. Paralyzed by the conundrum – if I couldn’t even understand howContinue reading “Fear and Reward of Going on Testosterone”

The Cost of Being Gendered as Male

Transitioning in the midst of a decade long photography project, presents an opportunity to see how differently people relate to me as a man vs. a woman. Enjoying a day off, I decided to swing by the Weirdest little Church in Texas, check out their volunteer program and hopefully capture a few shots on camera.Continue reading “The Cost of Being Gendered as Male”

Will I Regret Testosterone?

I worried for years that taking testosterone or “transitioning” could be the wrong decision.  What if NOT taking testosterone is the wrong decision?  What if I came out to everybody then changed my mind? What if this was a mistake but I had permanent changes? What if I looked in the mirror and hated theContinue reading “Will I Regret Testosterone?”

Positive Perspective for Parents of Transgender Children

Can transgender children grow up to live happy lives? “I don’t want my child to be transgender because I don’t want them to have a difficult life.”  This is one of the most frequent things I hear parents say once they realize their child is transgender.  Parents grieve “the good life” for their child, assumingContinue reading “Positive Perspective for Parents of Transgender Children”

My Journey to Becoming a Life Coach

Turning Differences into Superpowers As children, everyone tells us, “Just follow your dreams!” or “You can be anything you want to be if you just put your mind to it!” Early on in life we stop believing this.  It just becomes another childhood lie, like Santa Clause or the Easter  bunny and slowly dreams fadeContinue reading “My Journey to Becoming a Life Coach”

Coloring Outside the Lines

Beautiful butterfly emerging from my cocoon and you act blind.  Precious sense of sight you waste; powerful gift of speech, decays. I feel invisible.  Challenges and triumphs go unnoticed.  I am not the butterfly; I am the elephant in the room.  I miss being a child – all I had to do was exist andContinue reading “Coloring Outside the Lines”

Suicide With a Cat’s Perspective

I see the woman in you and this is what I learned from her. Thank you, Beautiful Woman. I stumbled upon the goodbye letter of another writer a week ago which made excruciatingly clear, an all too common reality for transgender people – suicide.  Pieces of the six-page letter are written below (her blog wasContinue reading “Suicide With a Cat’s Perspective”

Brightest Bird of the Flock

“In nature, a flock will attack any bird that is more colorful than the others because being different is seen as a threat,” – Wrabel The greatest gift a mother could have – a daughter, and I’m stealing that gift away.  I feel her heart breaking- everyone’s heart breaking as I am transforming, evolving, reinventingContinue reading “Brightest Bird of the Flock”

All the Answers Inside

Thoughts on Being Transgender From a More Spiritual Perspective I admit, I’ve had trouble writing lately.  More specifically, I’ve had trouble writing about the material world, the physical body and matters of the ego.  I’ve been on a more spiritual journey for a while now – getting into yoga, meditation, ecstatic dance, astrology and gettingContinue reading “All the Answers Inside”

What is Success Anyway?

Unraveling the Expectations of Hormone Replacement Therapy A great deal of time had to pass after starting testosterone before I was able to feel content with my transition.  Guys around me who had been on testosterone for half the time, sported tons of facial hair and a deep voice.  My voice did eventually drop more,Continue reading “What is Success Anyway?”

A Reflection that Matches My Mind’s Eye

I thought I would have to get used to not having breasts.  After surgery, I kept waiting for it to “sink in” or to be overwhelmed with emotion at some point.  Perhaps I’d feel like a different, newly reinvented person, or maybe even mourn the loss of part of my body? Realizations never set in. Continue reading “A Reflection that Matches My Mind’s Eye”