They/Them/Theirs

Discovering that there is no right or wrong way to be trans


There is no right or wrong way to be trans, non-binary or gender non-conforming!  My path from female to male has not been a straight line.  Actually, it hasn’t been a line at all.  Rather, it has been countless dots, like stepping stones off of which I must take a leap of faith.  For years, I thought:

Somewhere in the depths of my heart, I think I am male but I also feel unable to bite the bullet on becoming him until I no longer look and sound like her.  I feel pressure to know exactly who I am so that people will believe me.  Uncertainty on my end, can be dismissal on their end.    Hesitation on my end, can be disbelief on their end. 

Nonetheless, non-binary and gender-neutral pronouns – they/them/theirs have served as a buffer and offered some wiggle room without automatically putting myself into the opposite box – male.  I’ve avoided that box with all of its definitions, expectations, and limitations and most of all, the death grip that society has on them.  To some extent, I have enjoyed being undefined-floating around in a land of non-conventional everything and defying norms.  Part of me isn’t ready to give up that defiance and disapproval of the binary. 

But, the nagging desire to be seen as a guy persists.  Who says that I’d have to be a guy that conforms to all of society’s standards?  I absolutely don’t have to be someone that society wants me to be if I don’t want to, as a girl or as a guy or anything in between.  It is not my responsibility to be the person they want to like.  I am not their clay to mold.

Published by Christian

I am a Certified Life Coach at Out and Proud Life Coaching, LLC. I coach and mentor transgender adults and parents with transgender children from all over the world. I help transgender adults through all stages of transition and I help parents navigate their personal journey to gain the understanding needed to best support their child. Please visit chrisjcoach.com or on Facebook at Out and Proud Life Coaching to learn more or sign up for a free 30-minutes session so we can get to know one another!

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