How is it that I can feel this nagging sense of discontent when I have everything?
I have a good job that pays well, a healthy relationship, a reliable car, a cute house, people that love me. I travel and do the things I want to do. Could it be that having everything can make me unhappy? Could I have too much? What if we try too hard to hold onto the things we have? What if letting go could open us up to see more?
I’ve fought hard to keep my “freedom” and my free time, set boundaries as a way of protecting and keeping what I thought was important. I’ve held on to this gender that they assigned to me at birth as if it is some tangible thing. Why do we hold on to everything?
There is seemingly unlimited distraction- bigger this and more of that. Houses keep getting bigger to fit all of our stuff but time seems to be getting smaller and smaller. We have more convenience but less connection, more technology but less willingness to trust a stranger.
What if I let go? Of control, of security, of comfort, of material goods, money, success and all these things that society tells us will make us happy?
As a culture, we are drowning in stuff and I want to see my bare skeleton by having less. My intuition says that less is more.
There is something deep inside me that compels me to strip everything down and give things up to see what I really am underneath, backing myself up against a wall to challenge my strength when things aren’t easy.
I feel an intense urge to purge myself of everything and re-create myself. Having everything has hidden my truth.
I don’t think I am the girl they thought I was.
There is a boy inside that wants to break free.
Translating Transgender 